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Sylvester Stallone
Sylvester Stallone is purely a retard. In fact they call him "Sly the Tard". Stallone is an epic failure. In a recent interview with AAT (All About Tards) Magazine, Stallone admitted that he daily attempts to bite off his penis. He has never successfully got it, however. Due to steroids, Stallone said that his cock is as hard as steel. "I broke a tooth one time. My penis may be strong, but I'll be back. It hasn't seen the last of me." Stallone has had many retarded incidents that he shamelessly confesses to magazines such as AAT (All About Tards), RE (Retard Entertainment), WTN (Weekly Tard News), and many others. A funny example of his mental retardation is in the story he told WTN: Stallone got his head stuck in his printer. Literally. "Yeah I don't know what happened. It was just a normal day. I was gnawing away at my penis and next thing I know, my head's stuck in the printer." Another incident involved Stallone getting a drum stuck caught up his ass. "I must have sat on it", He explained. When WTN asked how he got it out of his asshole, Stallone said, "I had to call.. oh no. I just shit myself. Fuck man." Stallone is a fuckin idiot who doesn't know shit. He writes movies that only 7 year olds or his fellow retards will appreciate. He doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't have a motherfuckin clue! Stallone recently admitted to ISR (It's Simply Retarded) Magazine that he had specific reasons for eating raw eggs in the film Rocky. He quotes, "I was trying to get superpowers. It's possible. In fact I almost got 'em." When they asked why he didn't, the retard responded with, "No ketchup or musturd. Just plain and dry." At one point Stallone began doing porn. Eventually, however, he quit for reasons that he explained to RE Magazine. He says "I had some great ideas. One was that I played a gay hunter and I have freaky sex with a retarded deer. I had another idea where I played a fag named Buck Coxworthy, who is a retarded banker who rapes a client named Sack Werkoff for money. But they didn't like my ideas. I still don't know why." Sylvester had a stupid ass idea about Rambo 5. He was going to make it science fiction. AAT asked about this stupid idea, Stallone responded by saying "I have no idea what you are talking about." AAT was confused before Sly added, "Okay. You're total is $10.81 at the first window." Stallone is not ashamed of his obvious mental retardation nor his lack of potty training. "I still wear diapers at least 4 days out of the week." He tells ISR. "A couple of days out of the week I won't wear 'em, but that usually results in a big mess, mainly because I can never tell when it's about to come out. And when it does come out, I only make it in the toilet about 9% of the time. I just find it easier to wear diapers." It is often times suggetsed that his mother has constantly high off her ass when she was pregnant with this soon to be failure. In an interview with AAT, Mama Stallone revealed many true facts about Sylvester. "While I was pregnant with this fuckin retard, he wouldn't stop kicking me. I felt like he was gonna burst out my stomach." She then added, "And once he was finally born, we could never get his penis out of his mouth. I'd turn my back for 2 seconds and off he goes, gnawing and chewing as if it her a fuckin Slim Jim."